Some of my besties have recently – or are soon to – become parents for the first time. So I thought I would guide them around the inane obscurity that is children’s TV…
Let me start with Elodie’s favourite…Fireman Sam…
This hunky (more of a hotty than the old-school version from when I was a kid) Welsh fireman spends his days saving the lives of the clumsy Pontypandy residents and getting his illegitimate son Norman, out of trouble and away from the ASBO he so desperately deserves. Pontypandy itself is a small town with a disproportionate number of emergency service vehicles and a poor excuse for a fireman in the form of Sam’s not-so loveable colleague, Elvis.
Postman Pat: The shittest postman around but despite this, he has been promoted to Head of the SDS (Special Delivery Service). Delivering only a single parcel per day, he still manages to mess it up, resulting in him flying his gyrocopter to rescue cows from mountain sides and policemen from runaway helium balloons. I can’t help but think this postie might work a little outside his remit. Every character has massive hands and bad hair.
Noddy: don’t even get me started. Precocious brat and irksome do-gooder. He acts about 5 years old but is apparently a self-employed taxi driver. He has a pet dog “Bumpy Dog” who is the best character by far and is always being tricked by two pesky goblins.
Charlie and Lola: Lola is 4 and speaks muddled up nonsense and has an unhealthy relationship with her 7 year old brother Charlie, who does everything for her. Their parents are nowhere to be seen.
Rhyme Rocket: A rocket that uses rhymes to fuel it’s engine. Commander Rhyme A Lot; First Office Ditty and Professor Poet man the rocket. They rap rhymes such as “A ham, a jam and a great big clam”. Poetry doesn’t get better than this.
Get Squiggling: Squiglet (apparently a he and not a she) draws using “Squigglesticks” and “Squigglepads” instead of the standard crayons and paper. He sings a catchy alphabet song which is great “A is for ant, B is balloon…” until you get to “X” which is apparently “for fox, at the end of his tail”. Dumb.
Abney and Teal: Porridge and a farting lake seal.
In The Night Garden: Weird. It pisses me off that I can never guess whether the Pinky Ponk or the Ninky Nonk will appear at the beginning (a little game I like to play – #coolmum). Someone needs to instigate a better bedtime routine for Iggle Piggle, he can only sleep on a boat.
Waybuloo: weird floating characters called Piplings practise yoga, listening to relaxing music. Both my kids love it and actually, so do I. It relaxes me far more than it does them.
Abadas: THE ONLY thing that would stop a poorly baby Austin from screaming. Sky+ and the Abadas were my saviour. So, the Abadas hold a special place in my heart. Plus I like singing the theme tune. Ela is my fave because she has a soft Irish accent and reminds me of my lovely friend, Alice.
Jelly Jamm: I do not understand it but I do like it. It’s manic. Don’t watch it with a headache.
Everything’s Rosie: because of her, my blog has a theme tune. #winning
So there we have it, a little run down of some of the delights that children’s TV has in store for you! I did leave one out, one that I nothing I could say would do justice for. Balamory. Discuss…