Becoming a mum is life changing. There’s no doubt about it. To have little people in your life who love you unconditionally is just the best feeling in the world. This is why, as a mother, I would do anything for my children. I always knew I would, even before they’d set up camp in my belly, it’s obvious isn’t it? As a mother, I would go to any length to look after my children. What I didn’t realise, were some of the things I would have to do. I think I lived in a pregnancy bubble. Sure, I knew I’d have to deal with poo; sick; crying and sleepless nights. But I don’t think I really thought much past that. And thinking of some of the things I have done as a parent that I would NEVER have done before, this is probably for the best! I have…
1) Wiped poo/wee/sick off my clothing with a baby wipe, considered it clean and worn it out in public. (If you do do this, wait for it to dry and check in daylight before venturing out. Unless you’re going somewhere dark in which case, don’t waste a baby wipe!).
2) Sniffed a bum to see if it had pooed. (It had).
3) Put my finger in poo whilst checking the contents of a nappy. (Previous sniff test was inconclusive). And got poo under my finger nail.
4) Googled the colour; texture and volume of poo. (Discovering some very disturbing images in the process!)
5) Sucked a dummy to clean it. After it had been in my baby’s mouth and then fallen on the floor.
6) Caught someone else’s unwanted, half eaten food in my hand.
7) Caught someone else’s sick in my hand. And had it dribble through my fingers and get stuck in my wedding rings (Thankfully not whilst my fingers were still too chubby from pregnancy to get my rings off to clean them!).
8) Picked someone else’s bogeys out their nose with my little finger nail.
9) Wiped someone else’s very snotty nose. With my bare fingers and wiped it on my jeans. Then forgotten I’d done so and not used a baby wipe to clean it off before I went out, thus looking like I have something much worse than snot on my trousers.
10) Pinned someone to the floor, whilst they screamed the house down, to brush their teeth.
11) Shared my bed with someone who continuously kicks me in the head and farts in my face.
12) Let someone watch me wee whilst they stare blankly (not at my face), pointing (not at my face!).
Being a mum is gross but, being a mum is great! There must be other weird/disgusting things us parents do that we never would have done before, let me know if you’ve done worse. I promise not to judge you. Much.